i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
