Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
