Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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