no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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