i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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