My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
