can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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