i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
