areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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