I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
