Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
