fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
