I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
