Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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