Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
