Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
