Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
