I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
