He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
