why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
