So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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