There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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