Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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