We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
