And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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