whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
