I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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