Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
