did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
