i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
