Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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