actually, I'm a sock model
I cannot find my penis.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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