I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so that wasnt chicken after all
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize