just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
