if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
