So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
