No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
