Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
