Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
