I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
