I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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