I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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