The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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