I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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