i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
