dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
