I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
