i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
