im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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