I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
