thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
