My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
