My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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