Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
