i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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