Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
