Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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