Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
