The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
