Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
