Cold hands, warm shart.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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