Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
