I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
