Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
