some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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