Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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