I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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